i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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