im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
