chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
