If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
