What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone came in the potted fern
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
