Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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