You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize