New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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