She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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