Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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