Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
