she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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