Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want a musical about memes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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