And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
