Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.