she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"