we have pet lesbian snakes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.