u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now