My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
