so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
