she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
