You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
