you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
