life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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