I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
