come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
