Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
