I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
