2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
