the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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