Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dear god my vagina.
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