You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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