so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
