I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
