Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
