its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room