I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.