mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
