but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
