wanna go halves on a baby?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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