I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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