We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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