Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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