Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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