I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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