She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
