I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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