This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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