best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
