oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
