I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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