i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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