I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
