I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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