i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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