She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
