Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i've created a new STD.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
