We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
