He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What a dumb baby whore.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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