would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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