Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
