isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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