On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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