who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
