Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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