I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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