I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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