Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
