Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
