Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
