my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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