i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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