Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
