omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
