i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
