i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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