Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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